What Was Successful Food Writer- Louise Gray’s Well Kept Secret?

Louise Gray is a respected food writer. In the recent Annual Guild of Food Writers, she received two prestigious awards too. To the world, Louise Gray’s life seemed perfect. She gave a speech in a hall that was packed with famous food writers, journalists and chefs. It included previous award winners such as  Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, Jamie Oliver and Heston Blumenthal. Who ever knew that this popular and confident food writer was struggling with a disorder? And you’ll be amazed to know that her struggle was strangely with food. Louise Gray was a victim of Bulimia.  Having said that, she kept this struggle a secret, not for days, not for months but for years.

Louise Gray’s battle with Bulimia

It all started when she was just fourteen years old. A boy whom she fancied, didn’t invite her for a party. Post that, she entered into a toilet that was already smelling of puke and put her fingers down her throat. Yes, there were other girls who did it as well. The brought up food had traces of blood and she knew this would happen as the girls had often discussed it in the dorms. There was no turning back for Louise Gray as she repeatedly indulged in this act. She even felt ashamed to seek help.

She would binge on a family sized chocolate bar and watch television, a loaf of homemade bread on the train, a box of chocolates in the car and then vomit it out. Over the years she was living in denial. As long as she didn’t eat piles of cream cakes, looked confident, passed exams and as long as she didn’t fall seriously ill, she kept overlooking the problem.

Turning point in Louise Gray’s life

It was when she recently received the two prestigious awards, she felt like she was cheating herself more than the people in the audience. It made her think about her relationship with food and the fake appearance she was putting up as a Food Writer.  What if they found out? She did everything to feel better. “I posted colourful photographs of her meals in Instagram, invented new recipes, did cookery demonstration but the worry kept nagging. Things finally begin to change for her when she had to confront her past when she was asked to give a talk in the same old school where it all began. Everything had changed but the students of the school were the same- achingly vulnerable and self-obsessed. The image of her kneeling by the toilet flashed back. Louise Gray knew she owed it to the students, to tell them a different story about food.

Seeking help for the first time

After the school visit, Louise increasingly started writing about her binges and identified the reasons behind them.  Everything pointed towards her emotions. While she was still in her early 30s, she worked as an environmental correspondent, for a national newspaper. Visiting environmental disaster zones, made her believe that the world is a terrifying place. The stress caught up with her and it was not long before she began experiencing panic attacks. Louise Gray used to run to the bathroom office to prevent others from discovering the truth. This was when she decided to seek help from a therapist as things were now beyond her control.  She began speaking about her family, job and emotions to the therapist. Opening up and talking more to her therapist, friends and family helped her tremendously to deal with her emotions.

Things are much better for the popular ‘Food Writer’ now. What broke Louise’s self-confidence and why was Louise struggling at such a young age? According to her, it didn’t have to do with the loss of her mother who died when she was just three years old. It didn’t have anything to do with the rejection by a boy whom she fancied, her changing body shape, broken friendships, so on and so forth.  It had to do with the inability to deal with the emotions that these experiences brought up. Inability to express herself while she underwent these emotions.

Louise Gray is the successful author of the book “Ethical Carnivore” and was awarded for exposing the reality of the modern meat industry.

In her recently published article in The Guardian, she rightly concludes and gives hope to all who need it with her powerful words “It’s OK to be hurt. It’s OK to feel ashamed. It’s OK to get it wrong, for years. It’s OK to eat. It’s OK to panic. It’s OK to cry. Because, one day, you will recover.”